


hide it from yourself

by badAquatic, orphan_account



Series: Trailerstuck [47]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Domestic, F/M, Frottage, Illustrated, M/M, Teen Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-21
Updated: 2014-03-21
Packaged: 2018-01-16 12:51:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1348105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badAquatic/pseuds/badAquatic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>School is back in session and Karkat expects nothing different from his senior year. So things are going to continue normally from now on.....right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. monday changes

**== >Karkat: Enjoy sleep **

 

Monday morning and you enjoy a warm dreamless sleep. Your visions of Alternia have been spotty lately. In one you are still young, traipsing around the outback with your fellows and Mother. In another you are a young adult, experiencing the first throes of a confusing romance. Your moirail faces similar complications in your small group. You’re not fond of how he looks at your Mother Lusus as of late.

But tonight there are no dreams; just shared bodily warmth. Jade is on the inside closest to the window and Dave is next to her, always in-between. You like it this way, so that you can cuddle him. Rub against him since you’re only wearing a loose T-shirt. You let your bulge against Strider, purring low.

Dave stirs. “You fuck…” he whispers, “…this is not okay.”

“What’s not okay?” you whisper.

He turns his head and his face is flushed. He never says it hurts or that he hates it, but he’ll never admit how good it feels. “You know exactly what.”

“You act like I don’t have a bulge.” You croon into his ear. “That you don’t feel it slick and warm against you whenever you fuck me. That it doesn’t stroke your face when you suck my nook.”

You let the claw resting at his hip slide forward, coasting the cloth shielding Strider’s less flexible bulge. He immediately grabs your wrist.

“Don’t.” He says, firm, and your arm goes slack. You can’t shove down this barrier. Push too much and he’ll be guarded. Push too little and he’ll just ignore you. All you can do is pounce on opportunities.

“Gods.” Dave yawns and slowly sits up. “What time is it?”

You slide off the bed and look at the clock on Dave’s desk. “Six thirty.”

Dave nudges Jade. “If you want breakfast, you should get up.” Jade grumbles something and Dave just smirks and kisses her.

You shower, get dressed, and make breakfast. Jade had a summer obsession with apple juice. Now the mobilehive’s stocked with jugs of it.

A half hour later Jade ambles out of the bedroom in her pajamas. “I might not be here when you get back. My grandfather’s taking me shopping this afternoon.”

Dave is double checking your sylladexes to make sure you have all your supplies. “As long as I don’t have to talk to him.”

Jade sighs, “Dave, he apologized for what he said. He’s an old man stuck in his ways.”

“That’s no excuse. You were only a month in when he wanted to drive you everywhere. He acts like I can’t take care of you.”

“That’s a _cultural_ thing. Young Britain has a _very_ _low_ birth rate so pregnant women are treated with kid gloves.”

You try not to groan. Monday morning is not a time for an argument. Arguments should be weekend only as far as you’re concerned. You grab your sylladex and make sure the Encryption is activated. Assholes were always trying to jack stuff the first week of school.

You go to the door, “Dave, you can stay here and argue but _I’m_ catching the bus. And _neither_ of you are going to change the other’s mind.”

Jade sighs. “I know, but Grandpa’s family. You have to learn to deal with them.”

“Yeah. Family.” Dave concedes.

On the way to the bus stop, Dave is quiet; agitated by Jade’s grandfather and impending fatherhood. It’s a heavier weight for humans to have offspring, you think. Trolls don’t make much of it. Offspring has always been mandatory but humans have this strange concept of voluntary childlessness: nunneries, priesthoods, and isolated cloisters. 

You rib him gently; mostly about him constantly tripping over Bec and Sonny Jr., who had doubled in size over the summer and was now closer to Bec’s size. Dave’s receptive to the teasing though and it brings him out of his funk. At the stop, the students who don’t know you are glancing at Dave and you, whispering and making no secret what they’re talking about.

“Last year the line went halfway down the street. The bus is going to be here in ten minutes and its not even a _quarter_.” You observe.

“A lot of people dropped out,” Dave says, “or they’re taking online classes.”

“Or they’re carpooling.” Equius bought a car in August and now he was driving Aradia and Nepeta around. If you could tolerate sweat, you’d be carpooling with him. “How the car fund, by the way?”

“We should have enough for a used car by the middle of November.” He smirks, “Don’t count on it being new or nice looking though.”

“As long as it has room for four to six passengers I don’t care.”

You look back at the gossipers, who avoid eye contact with you. You move closer to Dave and run your claws down his arm. One of the onlookers looks jealous and you think smugly, _Yeah, you jealous bitch. This is my stupid ironic coolkid. You fucking_ wish _you were as lucky as me._

“Won’t your coolkid status will suffer if you use a jalopy?” you ask.

“Karkat, us coolkids are cool riding in anything. Its part of the magic.”

“Hey, you two.” Tavros pats you on the back. He’s sweating but it can’t be from early morning heat. “Try not to get too lovey dovey with this crowd. I think a riot might break out if they realize you’re only _half_ of the couple.”

You take Dave’s arm, “They’re just jealous that the coolkid is ours to share _._ ”

“My arm is not yours.” Dave says.

“It is now. I’m holding it hostage. The arm will be released when I see fit.” You look at Tavros, “Where’s the clown?”

“Searching for Feferi in the swamp, I think. Meenah called him about it.” Tavros says. He sees your face and reassures you, “Its fine! Gamzee’s like a bloodhound.”  

“But shouldn’t he be at school? It’s the first day.” you ask.

“He’s on a special academic program because of his SAT,” Tavros says, “and he’s transferring to a trade school anyways. Feferi and me are on top of him about school.”

“At least he’s doing better. So, what are you going to name the kid?”

“Well I was thinking T—” Tavros scowls and whispers, “When did you figure it out?”

You grin. “I just did.”

Tavros frowns and uneasily crosses his arms. He’s struggling not to keel over. “Great.”

Dave raises an eyebrow. “You’re not going to throw up on the bus are you?”

“I won’t if you don’t fucking jinx me.” Tavros grumbles. “Don’t go blabbing to everyone I’m knocked up. Mom doesn’t know.”

“Does Gamzee know?” you ask. Tavros makes a wishy-washy gesture and you groan, “Oh my gods. _Tavros._ ”

“Its not my fault!” Tavros insists, “I was going to tell him but then Meenah called about Feferi and he took off. I’ll tell him after school.”

Dave smirks, “Your kid’s going to have the most nightmarish teeth ever.”

Tavros rolls his eyes, “Yeah, he’ll be an orthodontist’s dream.”

“Not as bad as Sollux and Eridan’s is bound to be.” you say, seeing the yellowblood and Kanaya walk over.

The bus arrives and you get on. All eyes are still on Dave and you, but you don’t care. You get updates from Sollux and Kanaya about Eridan: bloated and lazy. The egg isn’t due until the last week of September. They’re both hoping it doesn’t come earlier. You’re antsy about Terezi and Vriska’s delivery.

You ask Kanaya about Vriska’s still unknown due date but the jadeblood replies, “She’s not going to want you there, Karkat. Ceruleans don’t like being vulnerable and laying is a high time for that. Its instincts. Grandpa Summoner had to put up with that from Grandma Mindfang.”

“Yeah, even matesprits have to deal with that.” Sollux snickers.

“I’m not her matesprit. I’m just the guy who knocked her up.” you grumble.

Tavros knows you don’t like talking Vriska—its bad enough Kankri harasses you about talking to her—so he changes the subject. “Kanaya, are you moving in with us? And by ‘us’ I mean Porrim, Rufioh, and me.”

“I’m not sure,” Kanaya replies, “I don’t earn enough to afford my own mobilehive, and I think Sollux would revolt if I spend anymore time at his home.”

Sollux rolls his eyes. “Ask Eridan to move in with you. I’ve had my fill of his whining.”  

“You’d miss the whining and want him back,” Kanaya says, “and I think Vriska would tear her hair out if Eridan and I moved in with _her_.”

“You could be the fashionable trio,” Dave says, “and better you and Eridan move in with her than you moving in with G.I. Troll and Spider Lady.”

Kanaya smirks, “I don’t think _anyone_ wants to live with those two.”

 

Senior year is just as boring as junior year. The lack of sleep gets to you and you nod off during UTC Government History and Politics while Aranea is talking about future coursework. Thankfully the class is dismissed early but Aranea calls you to the front.

“Just because its the first day doesn’t mean you can slack off.” Aranea says. “But I didn’t call you here to lecture you. I wanted to talk to you about your grandfather’s gospel.” You stare and she sighs, “The Gospel of the Sufferer. The book you pilfered from Darkleer Manor.”

“Oh. Well, what about it?”

“Well, I just finished the bulk of the translation. It was a difficult task though. The earliest chunks of it are written in a regional dialect of Old Alternian I’m not familiar with. My suspicion is that it is commonly spoken by those who lived in the sand-wastes of Old Alternia.” She pushes her glasses up on her nose as she launches into detail about her scholarly suffering. “I had to scour the online marketplace for Old Alternian and Archaic Alternian dictionaries and glossaries, cross-sectioning them with extinct and outdated terms and cultural references that your grandfather seemed favorable toward. I’m only a generation removed from Alternia and still the language puzzles me. Truly a labor of love.”

She grins. “But worth its weight in academic gold, considering the historical, socio-political, and cultural impact of discovering an ex-canonical volume of the Orthodoxian Tome! Even if its not taken seriously by the church, this still offers something that may interest the universities.”

“I don’t want to be harassed by Orthodoxians.” You say, firmly.

“Oh, no, Karkat! I wouldn’t dream of inflicting something like that on you!” Aranea scampers to the classroom door, makes sure its locked, and that no one is lingering in the halls. She returns to her desk. “I need to talk to you about your inheritance.”

You stare at her again. “…what inheritance?”

Aranea goes through the stack of paper on her desk, pulls out an envelope, and hands it to you. “While rifling through that immense tome, I uncovered a separate document in an envelope. Contained inside of it was a will, written in Old Alternian. After translating it, I discover it was addressed to you. I gave you the original and two copies of the translations. I suggest you give the second translation to a lawyer.”

“My grandfather’s will.” You look at the envelope, “I didn’t…Kankri and Cronus said he didn’t leave a will.”

“I suspect Kankri doesn’t know about it.” Aranea says, “Kankri was very distraught after your grandfather’s death, Karkat, and he was very volatile.”

Given Kankri’s history with your grandfather, that made sense, but why hide the will in the book? “Good point. Thank you for this, Aranea. Is there anything I can do for you?”

Aranea smiles. “Trust me, Karkat. You’ve done me the bigger favor. Though if you uncover anymore journals or mysteriousness about your grandfather, please be sure to contact me!”

“Will do, since I can’t read Old Alternian.”

The envelope’s contents are in the back of your mind all day. You barely laugh when Tavros vomits onto the P.E. teacher’s while arguing about whether he should see the nurse or not. After school you have to go to work. You take the stop nearest P.S. 341 and get to the bar by five since traffic’s back to normal after the tourists left. At work, Sergei is constantly fidgeting and moving from room to room. Dom, unfortunately, is more on edge and has gone to full ‘Troll Gordon Ramsey’ alert.

You’re cutting up a beef heart when Sergei enters the kitchen, clears his throat, and says Dom and him need to talk. Dom yells for everyone to get their asses out so you rush out. The others consider it an unofficial dinner break but Laclan, Mievil, and you are more curious. You pretend to sweep and clean the area closest to the kitchen door so you can overhear the conversation.

“I heard something about feelings.” you whisper to the others, ear to the doors.

“Its unrequited love!” sighs Mievil, “Sergei has been on a slow boil of romance for Dirk. Its forbidden interspecies love.”

“You see unrequited love wherever you go.” replies Laclan, “Not everything is like a soap opera.”

“Well, _something’s_ up…” you say.

“I’m telling you; its Dirk and the boss.” insists Mievil, “They haven’t been talking out in the open lately and early this morning they went up to the boss’s place to talk and stayed there for a few hours.”

It had been happening more often. What could they have been talking about? “Dirk’s married.” you say.

“ _I_ was married. It only has as much importance as you put into it.” Laclan snorts.

“Who were you married to?” you ask.

“An oliveblood.” You open your mouth and Laclan holds up his hand for you to stop, “She’s dead, and that’s the end of this interview.”

You go after another avenue of curiosity. “How long have Dirk and Sergei known each other?”

Mievil ponders. “I don’t know. As long as I’ve been here, Dirk’s always popped in.”

“I know they go back. Perhaps to childhood.” says Laclan, “I was here for their reunion. Ten years ago, when I’d just come here. I was polishing bottles in the front when Dirk came through the door. The human looked so tired and haggard, like he’d crawled through a battlefield on his stomach. Sergei saw him and the look on their faces…it was obvious neither had expected to see the other alive or ever again. Like two estranged brothers. If they were Canzians, they would’ve broken down and held each other. But no, they were Trussians. Sergei politely invited him to have lunch. They were both very restrained and I remember…Dirk was very hungry. Time had not been good to him. He looked shell-shocked. I think he mentioned to Sergei about him being sick and his life was chaos as he had undertaken a new responsibility that he had had prepared for.”

If Laclan’s memory was correct, this may have been after Jake met Dirk and after Dirk recovered from kidney stones. Given Dave’s age that meant Dirk had spent eight years in New Jack without knowing Sergei. Then a thought comes to you: has Dave met Sergei? Did Dave know Dirk was Trussian? Had Sergei met Jake? Gods, you’re not even sure if you want that meeting to take place. The universe might collapse from the two emitting the same bombastic energy.

“So they’ve known each other for a while...” you mutter, “What about Dom and Sergei?” Laclan and Mievil both shrug. “So how do we know that they haven’t been a couple this whole time?”

Mievil and Laclan look at each other.

“It seems unlikely.” says Mievil, “They just don’t have very good chemistry.”

“Its kind of romantic; the muscular mutant falling for the old blind yellow.” you say.

“Blind?” asks Mievil, “What makes you think he’s blind? He’s always criticizing the way I cut stuff.”

“I can tell when a troll is blind and using all their other senses to make it not _look_ that way.” You’d been raised with Terezi after all. “Everything in the kitchen has labels with raised lettering. Dom never looks at things when he gets them. He feels or smells them. The more cuts in a fruit or vegetable, the stronger the smell.”

Laclan smirks, “Are you practicing to be the next Sherlock?”

“Sergei told me to be observant so I practice when I can.” Namely, he told you not to be so stupidly oblivious, so you practice making small observations. How to tell if Dave is stressed by what music he listens to. If Jade has something on her mind by the way she pets Bec.

“They don’t act as close as Dirk and Sergei do.” Mievil points out.

“Sergei’s Trussian.” Laclan says, “You wouldn’t know if a Trussian was dating someone unless they said it or you lived with them. And, well, Dom is…”

You all exchange a mutual look. Dom is Dom. There’s no good way to describe the older yellowblood outside of “growly” and “dickish”. Its easy to think of Dom as caliginous but concupiscent? It’s a challenge.

The kitchen door swings open and Dom glares at all of you. His cheeks are flushed but he’s all serious as Sergei slips out of the kitchen. “There’s ten pounds of potatoes each with your names on it.”

“Ten pounds each?” Mievil whispers.

“Peeling. _Now_. _”_ is all Dom says.

You peel potatoes for the rest of night and when you leave work, your fingers ache and you smell strongly of the spud. At home, Dave calls you ‘Karkles the Potatroll’. Jade isn’t back from her grandfather’s so Dave and you exchange insults over a late dinner. Only after you’ve eaten you take out the envelope. After waiting all day to read it, you’re anxious to open it. You lay on Strider’s bed and stare at it.

Dave lies next to you since he’s curious about the inheritance.  “It can’t say anything terrible. Its your Grandpa-Dad after all.”

“It could change everything.” You look at Dave, “You have to promise me things won’t change between us.”

“Right. Note to self: buy fur coat and immediately become useless trophy husband.” You scowl and Dave pokes you in the rub, “It’s a joke, Karkat. If having sex, living together, and being in a joint relationship hasn’t changed anything, I doubt money is going to do the trick.”

“It might…”

You’re done hesitating. You open the envelope and look at the translated letter.

 

Karkat:

If you’re reading this, you’re an adult now and you’ve survived Kankri. I hoarded this money for you so when you turned eighteen, you would have a nest egg to fall back on since by now Kankri has most likely drunk himself into a coma or succumbed to various sexually transmitted parasites. I know I told him to hold it together after I was gone but I know he’s not strong enough.  Even now, I can tell he’s cracking. I know this paper’s in danger of being destroyed by his stupidity, so I put in a place I know you’ll find in the future—when you need it the most.

The money is only to be used for yourself and your children, not Kankri. Kankri has to learn to stand on his own two feet and the same goes for his offspring. Only you can sign off on its use and I know you’ll use it wisely.

The money is in an account at the Bank of Greenvale Inc., listed under the name ‘Kinchi Vantas’. As Kinchi Vantas does not exist, the money will default to you when you turn 18. The money is in a series of bearer bonds that will only become viable when you turn 18. I’m not sure about how much interest will gather on them, but it should be a substantial amount.

Consider this money proof of my love for you. You’ll always be my favorite child and the light of my life. And please forgive me, Karkat, for not being there for you when you needed me the most.

 

With love,

K. Vantas

 

You swallow and scrub at your eyes but you’re still tearing up. Dave must have predicted this reaction because he hands you a tissue. You dab at your eyes. “You’re a cheesy fuck, you know that?”

“Correction: I am a cheesy fuck with great timing.” Dave says, “After making me watch shitty romcoms, I had to absorb a _few_ pointers.”

“I don’t know what to do.” You whisper, looking at the letter, “I never thought…I don’t think I’d know what to _do_ with this money.”

“Save it for college?” Dave shrugs, “Higher education’s expensive and that’s not counting equipment and textbooks. It’ll be impossible for me to go to film school unless I get a scholarship, and I’ll still have to work.”

You frown. “Dirk and Jake earn enough to help with the kid and there’s Jade’s grandfather too. You shouldn’t have to put your dream on hold.”

Dave shakes his head. “I don’t have the time to put an entry film together.” You try to push the issue but Dave rests his chin on your shoulder, “This isn’t about me, potato. Its about you. What are you going to do about the money?”

“Don’t call me a potato and I don’t know.” You sigh, “I’m not eighteen yet so I have time to think about it.”

“When’s your birthday?”

It takes you a few seconds to realize he means wriggling day, not the laying date. “Twentieth of this month.”

“ _Seriously_? Why you didn’t you say anything?”

You shrug. “I never do anything special for my wriggling day. Sometimes Mom would get me a DVD that was on sale. I don’t _need_ a gift, Dave. As long as my kids are happy, I’m happy.”

“Well, it sounds like you’re getting one helluva gift from beyond the grave. Are you going to cash it on your birthday?”

“Maybe, but the bonds are at a Bank of Greenvale. I think that’s in South New Jack. I’ve never been there, so I don’t know my way around.”

“Neither do I. Dirk and Jake go there on occasion but just to the woods. I don’t think they’ve ever been to the central town.”

“Maybe I could ask Rufioh to show me around. Aranea and him were raised in South New Jack.”

Dave makes a face.“You and Rufioh. Alone. In a car. For like, two hours.”

“It might not be that long.”

Dave shakes his head and flops back on the bed, “Don’t you have enough kids on the way?”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“You want to fuck him, Karkat!” Dave laughs.

“Of course I want to fuck him, but that doesn’t mean I’m going _to_ get knocked up. I’m not on my heat cycle.”

“Do you even know when your next one is due? You didn’t have a heat cycle for years and then _bam,_ you’re trying to hump everything for two weeks.”

“It wasn’t _two weeks_.” Still, he raises a good point. You’re not on grub control and you don’t want another accident.

“My chafed dick says otherwise.”

You stuff the letter back in the envelope and put it on his desk. You lie next to Strider, grinning, “Its been a while since it was just the two of us.”

“You get private potato peeling time every Saturday night.”

You pinch the bridge of his nose, “Asshole. I need to think of a worse name for you. Like Deepthroat Strider.”  

“You can’t call me Deepthroat unless I give you a blowjob.” You smirk and Dave’s cheeks redden, “No way.”

“Yes way.” You purr, headbutting him.

“I’m not putting your bulge in my mouth.”

“Why not? Its full of strawberry deliciousness.”

“Because I don’t want to choke when you cum?”

“That’s what condoms are for!”

“Do you have a condom?”

“If I get a condom, would you do it?” Dave makes a face. He doesn’t want to agree because that would mean he’d have to own up to it.

You don’t push it and roll on top of him, purring still. So what if you never get a chance to top? Its not like it irritates you. Well, it’s a little annoying but you know enough not to toss a whole relationship away because of slight annoyances. But even as you sleep, the question rolls through your mind: does Strider see you as an equal or just another hanger-on?


	2. and yet they follow

How long have you been in the outback? How much of the scrublands and sand wastes have you seen? Too much, you decide. You’ve chewed paperbark leaves and drunk its bland oil. You’ve ridden the wild horsaronis and wrestled cholerbear alpha males. The wastelands have made you tough like a sharp rock in the sand, but it’s the people of these wastes that keep you from becoming as indifferent as the sandy landscape. These stragglers are as lost as you are. They’re made of runaways, exiles, and the remnants of great tribes the Imperial forces were yet to completely stamp out. Mingled among you now are lowbloods, midbloods, and highbloods alike. At first Mother encouraged you to turn them away but even she can only be stand-offish for so long before she’s sewing cloaks for the other vagrants. You both know these wandering souls are good as dead without help. There were upstarts and fights you had to end but now everyone’s grudges have been put aside.

All three tiers of the hemospectrum mingle in your group. You even met three seadwellers for the first time before two died. The wastelands are too dry and harsh for them. Only one survived being young, of small gills and therefore needing water far less frequently. They slathered their gills in mud and did not speak. All these outcasts hang on your every word, though you’ve never considered yourself anyone’s leader. Mother’s older and wiser, you insist, and yet they still come to you with their disputes and questions. After you calmed a tealblood’s thinkpan rattling seizures instead of mercy-culling, some of them now come to you for the same coddling comforts. You only did it because the tealblood’s pain was so immense and its what mother did for you when you were sick.

Mother isn’t happy about the current size of your group, but she has good reason to worry. Dark season is coming and in the company of all these trolls, living in the wastes will be three times as difficult. You’d rather not consider cannibalism of your companions so you discuss the issues over what little food you can find: witchetty grubs and termites, accompanied with pieces from the termite mound. You sit on a rock and listen to the suggestions.

“We should go south. Then we could get spices.” says one, “Aniseed. Pepper. Cumin. Something to go with the _termites_.”

“Spices are a luxury nobles fret about. We’re lucky eating to be eating at all.” says another, “We should go west. Nobility is scarce and the people are friendly. They won’t spit or throw garbage at travelling lowbloods.”

You know in the west lies a harsh poverty-stricken land. Even the nobles there are poor compared to their fellow aristocrats. North is out of the question, as dark season is twice as bad there. The south as well, because the cities are flooded with nobility escaping the intense cold.

“What about the east?” you ask.

“East is water. Long cold stretches of it.” Simhan hisses.

There’s argument to go east, saying there would be fewer nobles; the eastern water has a chill many nobles are not fond of. Their group could blend in with the common urban homeless and live off the nobility’s scraps.

“Those without hives or kin to call their own.” mutters Sim, “Other people who need you.”

“I’m no one’s leader or inspiration,” you say, gently, “but the east sounds best.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” says Pollux, “There are still _nobles_ in the east and, Kankri, you’ve never even been in a city. You don’t know anything about hiding in plain sight or scrounging up food in an alleyway.”

“Then it is time I learn.” You say, “All my life in these sand wastes, I have heard of great good and great evil that resides in our civilization. I am no longer a child unknown to the world. I wish to see the tyranny of the nobility. I wish to see the ones with ice in their veins that drive our people to death; that enslave and exile those who are kind. I wish to see the clockwork of the system that has driven us all here. And perhaps…I will find a way unwound that dreaded clockwork, or dismantle it.”

There’s a stir in the group. Fear of being culled, the fear of the nobles hearing such talk. Such thoughts have always been in your thinkpan but only in front of this group do you feel motivated to speak honestly. Mother is alarmed but she’s not one for a large outcry. She knows you’re stubborn and nagging will not change your mind. Maybe she already knew, as you’ve been asking more questions of the exiles about the workings of civilized society.

The tealblood, always pale and sickly, is trembling. “Kankri…please…its not worth it to waste your already short life attempting to change what cannot be changed. I should know. I was once a highly esteemed legislacerator. I tried to change things… _tried_ to think of a way to make life better for my matesprit…it didn’t work.” Her eyes are watery with dismay fluid. It’s the first time she’s mentioned her past. “The court of the Condesce and His Honorable Tyranny is… _eternal_.”

You sit in silence for a minute and then point to the sky.

“Look at the stars.” You say, “They were here long before the first grub crawled out of their egg and they’ll be here long after the last coldblood expires. They have lived longer and seen more than any sea noble or the Condesce herself. _That_ is eternity.” You gesture to yourself and the group. “ _This_ is not. Warm, middling, or cold, we will all die and decompose and our beliefs with it. It may take time longer than my lifespan will allow, but I shall not turn away from my philosophies. What say the rest of you? Will you come with me to the east? For if not, we part ways here.”

There’s murmuring but no outright refusal. Despite their fears, they agree to follow.

 

* * *

 

When you wake up, you're Karkat Vantas again and full of anxiety. Are the visions returning because your mind’s troubled, or because you’re thinking of your father again? You know sleep’s not going to come back so you nip Dave’s ear until he’s more awake.

“Get off of me you big cat.” he grumbles.

You kiss him, “Nope.”

“You guys are like J.D. and Turk on _Scrubs_ , but caliginous.” Jade mutters, eyes still shut.

“You’re awake?” You’re still uneasy about kissing Dave in front of Jade.

Jade must sense your worry because she yawns and says, “Oh relax. Dave didn’t care when I gave Tavros a blowjob in the next room.”  

“When did you give Tavros a blowjob?”

“None of your business.” Jade says.

“First lesson of Karkat: never tell him _anything_ because he’ll want more details.” says Dave, “Once he knows the cat’s out of the bag. Or rather: the dog’s out of the pen.”

“The bird’s out of the nest?” you suggest.

“The sword is out of its sheath?”

“The _bulge_ is out of its sheath?” you snicker.

Jade hits you both with her pillow to get you to shut up.

 

Tuesday is boring. While your English teacher drones on about the historical importance of _Wild Swan Lusii,_ you think about the inheritance. Who should you tell? Money can turn people into monsters. Kankri has such conflicted feelings towards your father/grandfather, so he’s definitely not the person to spring this on. You decide on Terezi and you’ll see her on the weekend, when you have time to talk.

At work, Laclan and Mievil spend equal time sighing about empty flushes and desired pitches. You usually keep your quads to yourself but finally you cave in and bitch about your caliginous woes.

“Of _course_ he’s not going to let you top him.” Laclan sighs when you mention your dilemma, “You’re a sub, Karkat, in the relationship and in personality. He’s not going to just roll over for you.”

“It shouldn’t be that big of a deal.” You say, “I just want to see what its like.”

“Yeah. See. That’s part of the problem.” Mievil says, “You shouldn’t be asking the _how_ but the _why._ Why do you want to suddenly top after subbing for so long? Why should he _have_ to comply? Have you ever topped?” You open your mouth. “A human guy. They have a different set-up you know.”

“No. Only another troll.” You admit. “I just get this—feeling, I guess?—that he’s scared of me hurting him.”

“Well his fears are grounded in reality, Karkat.” Laclan answers, “You have claws and fangs and you two have only been together for, what? Five four months? You have to give time to certain things.” 

“Yeah. You can’t force love, or hate.” Mievil adds, “Though I can give you some advice to be a better lover that might warm him up.”

You shake your head. “No. Really. That’s okay.”

You get unwanted romantic advice anyways. Its embarrassing. When you return home, the tension has returned. Dave is staring into space while the TV blares some mindless cash.

You sit next to him. “What’s going on?” He hesitates and you elbow him. He should know by now you’re too stubborn to leave.

“Rose is awake. She’s in a safe place.” He sounds bored with those important details.

“Who told you that?”

“John. He’s going to act decoy for her. So if someone goes looking for her, he would lead them away.”

John’s been drafted, so it must be serious. “Where’s Jade?”

“Napping.” Dave rubs his forehead, “Fucking idiot. He’s going to get himself hurt.”

“Clam down.” you say, “Dirk knows what he’s doing and Kankri’s helping.”

“Did you just say ‘ _clam_ down’?” He frowns, “Wait, why’s Kankri involved?”

“John didn’t tell you?”

“John was brief since this mess is _supposed_ to be top secret.” Dave grumbles, “The only reason he bothered telling me is so I can back up his stories.”

“I only know because I asked Kankri and all he did was auspitize.”

“If you know I bet Terezi knows.” Dave says tiredly.  

“Dave.” He doesn’t respond so you lay across his lap. “Strider, come on. Don’t get all weird and stressed out. Things aren’t as bad as they look.”

Dave scowls and scratches the base of your horns. He’s distant the rest of the night and while lying next to him, you realize John and Rose are the only people Dave openly talks to, but now John is occupied and Rose is elsewhere.

You have to find a way to help.

 

* * *

 

You don’t come up with a plan until the next day when you’re riding the bus to school. During lunch, you talk to everyone and make sure they’ll have an open schedule later that night. You go to work and talk to a less skittish Sergei and convince him to let you go early today since you’ll do overtime on Saturday. You get home by eight and log onto Trollichum. Everyone’s online. Alright. Let’s do this.

 

\--carcinoGeneticist[CG] created chat ‘WILD FRUITY RUMPUS’!--

\--carcinoGeneticist[CG] added turntechGodhead[TG] gardenGnostic[GG], twinArmageddons[TA], apocalypseArisen[AA], gallowsCalibrator[GC], grimAuxilatrix[GA], and arsenicCatnip[AC] to the chat!--

 

CG: SHOW OF HANDS: WHO HERE KNOWS ROSE’S HIDING FROM THE MOB?

GC: HOW 4R3 W3 SUPPOS3D TO SHOW H4NDS? TH1S 1S TROLL1CHUM

TA: we could alway2 rp liike nepeta liike2 two.

AC: >:PP< sollicks this is serious!

AC: :33< (but yes we should do that)

TG: oh my god no 

GG: yes :D

GG: *jade raises hand!*

CG: JADE, WE’RE IN THE SAME ROOM, YOU DORK.

GG: youre a dork!! >:P

TA: oh my god iit2 been a miinute and we’re already off topiic. we have the focu2 on gamzee on fun diip.

TG: how do you even know that

AA: i was b0red last saturday and i had a surplus s0 i gave it all t0 him and he ate it in 0ne g0 0u0

TA: we went two blank park and watched hiim get 2tuck iin a 2liide for an hour. tavro2 put iit all on youtube.

GG: i wanna see! :D

CG: WE CAN TALK ABOUT GAMZEE’S SUGAR TRIP AFTERWARDS.

CG: I’VE GATHERED US HERE BECAUSE WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT ROSE.

GA: Why Are Only Half Of Us Here?

CG: I DIDN’T INVITE EQUIUS BECAUSE HE’S HE WON’T BE HELPFUL, TAVROS HAS HIS OWN WORRIES, GAMZEE WON’T CARE, FEFERI AND ERIDAN ARE SICK.

TG: and you didnt invite vriska because youre scared

CG: NO, I DIDN’T INVITE VRISKA BECAUSE SHE WOULDN’T GIVE A SHIT. SHUT UP YOU.

TG: ow dont kick me!

CG: STOP TYPING YOUR RESPONSES INTO THE CHAT, IDIOT!

TG: you started it

TA: oh my fuckiing god. get to the poiint.

GA: I Dont See Why Im Here

TG: cause rose will probably talk to you next and apologize for yknow

TG: being a stupid jerk

AC: ://< but why should we care about rose? no offense to jade and dave but not all of us are tangled up in human purroblems.

TA: yeah ii got my own worriie2. liike two hundred pound2 of preggerfii2h naggiing me for food iin the miiddle of the niight.

CG: BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT ROSE WORKED FOR A GANG CALLED THE CHERUBS AND SINCE SHE GOT AWAY, THEY’RE GOING TO KILL HER.

CG: THAT’S A BIG FUCKING DEAL.

CG: ROSE MAY NOT BE A TROLL BUT SHE'S OUR FRIEND. SHE NEVER HESITATED TO HELP US WITH ESSAYS OR RESEARCH PAPERS WHEN WE ASKED HER. AND NOW THESE MOTHERFUCKERS ARE GONNA COME INTO OUR NEIGHBORHOOD AND MURDER HER BEFORE THE FEDS CAN HELP.

CG: WHAT IF SOMEONE GETS HURT IN THE CROSSFIRE?

CG: WHAT IF THE BULLET AIMED FOR ROSE HITS YOU IN THE FACE?

CG: WHAT IF IT HITS YOUR MOTHER OR FATHER OR YOUR CHILD?

CG: TROLLS AND HUMANS LIKE US DIE EVERY DAY IN NEW JACK CITY AND NO ONE OUTSIDE OF THE SQUALOR, ANILINE END, OR THE NINTH WARD GIVE A FUCK. THE NJPD AREN’T EVEN GOING TO QUESTION SHIT BECAUSE WE’RE NOT RICH. NO ONE ELSE IS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF US BUT OURSELVES.

CG: AND I DON’T WANT TO SEE ANYONE ELSE GET HURT BECAUSE OF THE GANGS.

AA: i agree with y0u karkat the city w0nt care if were harmed

AC: :((< i don’t want want to see anyone people get hurt. i lost a good friend to a shooting.

TA: 2o what doe2 ro2e know that make2 you 2ure the cherub2 wiill kiill her?

TG: rose knows the cherubs are scouting this area to see if they can move in while the ubk and brotherhood are trying to murder the shit out of each other

TG: if rose gets to the feds shell be one of two existing testimonies

GA: Only Two? So How Did Rose Manage To Escape?

TG: according to her a troll named callie helped her

TG: it also helped that she bludgeoned the leader with a broomstick and ran like hell while tripping balls

TA: you 2ay ro2e e2caped on drug2 and bludgeoned a guy? wouldn’t they have 2ent 2omeone after her whiile 2he wa2 runniing? and how wa2 2he drugged?

TG: according to rose they were having dinner and her food was drugged she started having a reaction and stumbled into the hallway

TG: in the hallway was a broom left by callie so she used that to beat up scrate when he came after her then she ran out into the street

TG: the drug was really strong so rose started hallucinating she said she doesnt remember what happened during it but i know a security guard found her in summoner park in her underwear babbling so they brought her to the police

GG: and according to rose shed been wearing a fancy dress

TA: where wa2 thii2?

GG: scrates suite i think so thats the red quad

AC: ://< um, rose is heavy. how did she get from the red quad to summoner park without being noticed or hit by car? And summoner park has a high fence and security lights.

GC: TH3R3 4R3 ONLY S3CUR1TY L1GHTS 1N TH3 FRONT TH3 R3ST 4ND TH3 R3ST 4R34S

GC: ON S4TURD4Y 1T W4S 4 R41N1NG H34V1LY 1TS POSS1BL3 TH4T ROS3 TOR3 OR R3MOV3D H3R DR3SS 4ND R4N ON 4DR3N4L1N3 1F SH3 W4S B31NG PURSU3D 1T WOULD B3 H4RD3R TO TR4CK H3R 1N R41N

GC: ROS3 GR3W UP 1N N3W J4CK C1TY 4ND W3NT TO TH3 R3D QU4D 4LL TH3 T1M3 SO H3R M1ND WOULD R3M3MB3R HOW TO G3T TO C3RT41N 4R34S WH1L3 1N D4NG3R

GG: rose was drugged with sweet juju and from its description sweet juju sounds like a chemical stimulant it makes the brain go bonkers like dumping caffeinated coffee into the system before the crushing low of a depressant when it begins to wear off. 

AA: 0h its like gamzee during his sugar high

GG: exactly! :D

AA: r0se was stimulated en0ugh t0 make a daring escape that even indy w0uld be pr0ud 0f and there are plenty 0f ways t0 sneak int0 summ0ner park after dark pe0ple d0 it all the time 0u0

GG: aradia that smile is really creepy :(

AA: is it n0w? 0u0

GG: :(

TA: ii'm lookiing up what liittle ii can fiind about the cherub2 and they 2eem more liike a cult than a gang two me. what iif ro2e wa2 braiinwa2hed and 2he'2 tryiing two get u2 all kiilled?

AC: ://< that sounds farfetched.

TA: ii thiink iit2 2tupiid two rule out another po22iibiiliity. 2crate already had ro2e ii2olated. why wa2te drug2 on 2omeone who'2 on your 2iide?

CG: I DON’T THINK ROSE WAS AS BRAINWASHED AS SCRATE WOULD’VE LIKED. SHE ALWAYS KNEW SCRATE WAS QUESTIONABLE. BRAINWASHED PEOPLE NEVER QUESTION THEIR LEADERS HAVING ONLY THE BEST FOR THEM IN MIND.

GA: Hm

GA: Maybe Scrates Attempt At Brainwashing Was Going Too Slow And He Decided To Speed It Up With Drugs Or Maybe He Wanted To Have Sex With Rose And She Wasnt Taking To It

CG: EW. I JUST CAN’T IMAGINE THAT GUY HAVING SEX WITH ANYONE.

GA: Neither Can I But Eridan Said Different

TG: what

CG: WHAT?!

GA: You Didnt Know?

GA: Damara Sold Her Additional Eggs To Black Coats Who Turned Out To Be Fakes Working For Mr Vanilla Which Is An Alias Of Scrates Apparently

GA: Damara Was Scrates Sometimes Prostitute But Eridan Needed His Money More Than Her So She Introduced Eridan To Him

CG: WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

AC: 833< what?! damara sold her eggs to scrate?!

TA: what?!

GC: TH1S JUST G3TS B3TT3R 4ND B3TT3R

TG: we just cant avoid the drama can we

AA: apparently n0t 0u0

GA: I Think I Said Too Much

GG: omg i should have made popcorn :D

CG: SOLLUX, GO WAKE UP ERIDAN!

TA: you 2aiid two let hiim re2t cau2e he2 2iick.

CG: TO HELL WITH WHAT I SAID! ERIDAN HAS TO ANSWER FOR THIS!

TA: kk, iit2 not that biig of a deal.

CG: HAVING SEX WITH A CRIME LORD CULTIST IS A BIG FUCKING DEAL! I DEMAND TO TALK TO MY BROTHER! NOW!

TA: fiine but iif he’s crabbiier than usual, iit2 not my fault.

CG: JUST GO GET HIM!

GG: wait i wanna make popcorn

CG: JADE, THIS IS NOT THE TIME.

GG: but im pregnant and hungry :(

TG: im right next to you why are you typing this

GG: i dont knoooooow feed meee popcoooorn >:(

CG: GREAT. NOW I WANT POPCORN TOO.

TG: i am not a foodtruck

GC: 1 W4NT POPCORN TOO

CG: GO PESTER KANKRI.

GC: H3S 1N WR1T1NG MOD3 SO H3’D BURN 1T 1M G3TT1NG UP

AC: :33< im getting food too

AC: :33< ten minute break everyone!

AA: n0w y0u all kn0w what its like t0 be incredibly hungry and huge feel my pain

CG: YOU’RE NOT EVEN PREGNANT ANYMORE!

 

You grunt, massaging your temples. “I want to punch everyone in this chat in the _face_.”

“Don’t start a fight you can’t finish, Karkat.” Jade nudges Dave. “I was serious about the popcorn.”

Dave sighs but gets off the couch. Bec, who’d been sitting at your feet, quickly jumps into his spot. “She’s right, Karkat. Jade hits like a brick wall. I should know.”

“I never hit you _that_ hard.” Jade insists.

“Tell that to my elementary school bruises.” Dave answers.

“And they say _troll_ courtship is violent. You definitely have a type, Strider.” you say.

You hear Dave get out a box of something in the kitchen. It better be popcorn. “Oh yes. Chubby and angry coupled with fit and nerdy.”

“I prefer fit and _knowledgeable.”_ Jade says.

“And I _lost_ weight!” you answer.

“You didn’t lose weight.” says Dave, “You transmogrified some of it from fat into muscle and it didn’t make much of a difference because you can still fit Jade’s pre-pregnancy bras.”

“It was all _Jade’s_ idea!” Boredom had motivated you two to see how your clothes looked on the other. Jade’s shirts didn’t look right unless you were wearing a bra.

“You can fit my maternity wear too.” Jade giggles.

“Not on your life I’m wearing that.” The colors would clash with your eyes.

There’s clatter from the kitchen and Sonny Jr. darts out. He immediately runs over to you and starts licking your hand.

“Karkat, keep your hermit crabdog out of the kitchen! I almost fell over!” Dave says.

Your snort. “You would’ve fallen over anyways. You have no sense of balance or direction.”

“Bullshit. I’m like a fucking eagle.” Dave answers.

“A _blind_ eagle. When you get to your sixties, you’re going to be sexy Mr. Magoo.”  

“Dave, I think you need your eyes checked anyways.” Jade says, “Yesterday you almost fell on Bec.”

“That’s because your dog is _everywhere_ and she better not be in my spot on the couch. _Again._ ”

“No, because she’s a perfect baby.” Jade says, making kissy faces at her precious barkfiend. Bec tilts her head, clueless as usual.

“It would be funny if your kid was born with ears and tail because of how much you love dogs.” Karkat says.

Dave re-enters the room with popcorn. Bec glares at him but slides off the couch so he can sit back down. “Karkat, don’t encourage her.”

Jade pouts. “I saw these _really cute_ jammies with a wolf tail and ears but Dave called My First Fursuit and didn’t want to turn our kid into a furry.”

“Its _your_ kid. Its already too late.” You say, turning your attention back to the chat.

 

AC: ://< so I’m technically a blowfish?

GA: Well You Did Have Sex With Gamzee But That Also Makes Karkat A Milkhead  

GC: TH3 M41L GUY C4LL3D M3 4 GR3Y HONKY BUT 1 THOUGHT H3 W4S R3F3RR1NG TO KURLOZ

AA: why were y0u and kurl0z rand0mly hanging 0ut?

GC: K4NKR1 W4S TH3R3 4ND 1T’S 4 LOOOOOONG STORY :P

CG: OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I COME BACK TO.

AC: :33< discussion of slurs and future job occupations

AC: :33< did you get your popcorn?

CG: YES. WHAT’S A MILKHEAD?

GC: Its A Troll That Performs Fellatio On Humans  

CG: WHY WOULD THAT BE A “MILKHEAD”?

TG: karkat think about it

CG: …OH MY GODS THAT’S GROSS!

TG: not gross enough for you not to do it

TG: cmere you

CG: WAIT NO WHAT ARE YOU DOIN FUCK STRIDER RAEHRUEABU!!!!!@#

GC: WH4T 1N TH3 H3LL

GG: i am observing the situation dave has karkat in a headlock whether blowjobs will ensue i dont know :D

AA: im curi0us jade d0 y0u all sex have at the same time because that w0uld be interesting 0u0

GG: that’s a seeecret :)

CG: NO, ITS NOT BECAUSE PEOPLE DON’T DO THAT!

GA: The Internet Says Otherwise  

AA: its g0nna happen 0u0

CG: NO!  

TA: okay back.  

 

\--twinArmageddons[TA] invited caligulasAquarium[CA]!--

 

CA:wwhat is it kar

CG: YOU HAD SEX WITH SCRATE?!

CA: wwhos scrate

GA: Mr Vanilla

CA: ohhh him

CA: wwoww that wwas a wwhile ago but yeah i wwas his escort

TA: ew.

CA: do not evven fuckin start sol i wwill kick you in the head im still mad at you for this entire preg thing

CA: and wwe didnt even havve sex like hed just tie me up and use me to blackmail this guy that i wwas sleepin wwith

CG: BLACKMAIL HIM? WHY?

CA: um scrate said for insurance reasons but fuck noww i cant evven remember his name

CA: all i remember is that he wwas a huge douchebag

TG: sollux?

TA: ha ha. go jump up your own iironiic a22 and diie.

TG: everyone wishes they could jump up my ironic ass

CA: scrate took pictures of me and the guy wwhile wwe wwere fuckin and the guy wwas basically a spoiled rich kid wwore a stupid top hat all the time

CA: an he had a scar and teeny gills

GA: That Sounds Familiar

CG: WAIT.

CG: YOU HAD SEX WITH FUCKING NEKTAN WHELAN?

CA: oh yeahhhh

CA: there wwe go thats the name

CA: he wwanted me to be his mistress for a lot of boon too

CG: YOU HAD SEX WITH NEKTAN TOO?!

CA: yeah but it wwasnt no treat he wwas fuckin terrible at it noww that im thinkin bout it like no technique didnt care if you wwere evven wwet

CA: bein fucked with a riding crop handle wwas be more fun

CG: I DON’T CARE IF HE WAS BAD AT SEX, ERIDAN! VRISKA IS FRIENDS OR WHATEVER WITH THAT DOUCHEBAG AND HE’S INVOLVED WITH SCRATE! SHE COULD BE IN TROUBLE!

GC: K4RK4T VR1SK4 C4N T4K3 C4R3 OF H3RS3LF 4ND YOUR3 M1SS1NG TH3 B1G P1CTUR3

CG: LIKE WHAT?

GC: N3KT4N 1S TH3 M4N4G3R OF TH3 H4PPY H4RBOR PORT WH3R3 4LL TH3 1MPORTS 4ND 3XPORTS GO THOUGH SO N3KT4N MUST B3 G3TT1NG P41D UND3R TH3 T4BL3 BY G4NGS

GC: 1F SCR4T3 1S BL4CKM41L1NG N3KT4N TH4T M34NS H3LL JUMP THROUGH HOOPS TO M4K3 SUR3 THOS3 P1CTUR3S DONT G3T OUT

GC: JUMP1NG THROUGH HOOPS L1K3 3L1M1N4T1NG W1TN3SS3S 4G41NST TH3 P3RSON WHO H4S D1RT ON YOU

CG: OH MY GODS…I CAN’T TELL VRISKA ANY OF THIS.

CG: SHE MIGHT BE IN DANGER BECAUSE OF THAT ASSHOLE BUT IF I TELL HER ANYTHING, NEKTAN MIGHT FIND OUT AND TELL SCRATE BECAUSE OF THE BLACKMAIL.

CG: SHIT.

GA: Yes It Appears That Way

GA: Nektan May Be Even Using Vriska As Cover For Now That We Know His Reputation Isnt Squeaky Clean Maybe Vriska Is Even In On It

CG: YEAH, SHE PROBABLY WOULD BE BUT FUCK…

TG: dont look so upset karcatty

CG: DON’T CALL ME THAT OR I WILL SHOVE THOSE SHADES DOWN YOUR THROAT.

GC: K4RK4T 1F YOU’R3 WORR13D 4BOUT VR1SK4S S4F3TY GO T4LK TO H3R

AC: :33< yeah you’re actually flush empty now.

AA: g0 perf0rm the crabby mating dance

CG: I AM GOING TO GO TALK TO HER! WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP GIVING ME ROMANTIC ADVICE?

TG: you kinda dont know how romance works in the real world

CG: THAT IS SUCH A SERIOUS CASE OF THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK THAT I AM TEMPTED TO SHOVE VEGETABLES IN YOU AND SET YOU TO A BOIL AT THREE HUNDRED DEGREES.

TA: *both* of you are really 2hiitty at iit. ii mean how long diid iit take for dave and jade two go on a date?

GG: did we even go on a date…?

TG: yes having too much to drink and then sexing counts as a date where we live

CG: NO, IT DOESN’T, YOU FUCK.

TG: karkat we did the same thing in fact there was no alcohol involved

TG: i just showed up at your place being

CA: oh my gods seriously karkat?

CG: THIS CONVERSATION IS NOT ABOUT MY SEX LIFE!

TG: you are definitely gonna be knocked up before the year is over

CG: YOU SHUT RIGHT THE HELL UP.

AA: ten bucks f0r karpreg by the year’s end

TA: ii’ll take you up on that.

CG: THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A CHAT ABOUT AN IMPENDING GANG WAR THAT MAY ERUPT IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD. NOT ABOUT MY FUCKING REPRODUCTIVE CYCLE!

GC: K4444RK4T >:[

GC: TH3R3’S NOTH1NG W3 C4N DO NOW BUT W41T

GC: W3 DON’T 3V3N KNOW 1F 4NYTH1NG W1LL H4PP3N

AC: ://< yeah we’re not cops and we all have our own concerns.

GA: Well Just Have To Keep Vigil And Have A Stockpile Of Weapons

GG: ooh i could teach people how to properly manage firearms!!

TA: 2ound2 liike the concern2 of nonp2iioniic2 and iit2 iillegal for u2 troll2 two own fiirearm2.

AA: its illegal f0r tr0lls t0 0wn firearms but under the stand y0ur gr0und and castle laws tr0ll firearm p0ssessi0n is v0id if the intruder is 0n their pr0perty

GG: we could always make untraceable guns :D

TG: jade no

TG: no firearms making while pregnant

GG: booo :P

CG: WELL ERIDAN DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO ADD TO THIS INANE CONVERSATION ABOUT MY SEX LIFE AND FIREARMS?

CG: ERIDAN?

 

\-- caligulasAquarium[CA] is idle! --

 

GA: Whats Going On Over There?

TA: ii don’t know ii’m not iin the room wiith hiim.

GA: What?!

TA: what? ii’m fiinii2hing a project and my typing make2 hii2 miigraiine2 wor2e, 2o he’2 iin the grub room and ii’m iin my room.

CG: YOU IDIOT! GO CHECK ON MY BROTHER!

TA: oh he’2 fiine.

GA: Go Do It Or Ill Come Over

TA: okay mii22 fu22y fang2 hold on.

AC: ://< I should get to sl33p. thursday. bluh.  

CG: I AM DEFINITELY TAKING A NAP DURING LUNCH BECAUSE THERE IS NO POINT IN EATING. CARDBOARD WOUKLD BE HEALTHIER.

TG: i havent eaten the cafeteria food since tenth grade when i cracked my tooth trying to bite the pizza crust

GG: oh my god i remember that!! john saw the blood and screamed really loud because he thought you had scurvy and he was going to get it XD

GA: WHY D1D JOHN TH1NK SCURVY W4S CONT4G1OUS :?

TA: well uh. okay. ii kinda have two go liike. two the ho2piital.

CG: WHAT’S GOING ON?

TA: i thiink eridan’2 iin labor 2o yeah. better go.

CG: WHAT?!  

GA: Hold On Im Coming With

CG: OH FUCK. SHOULD I COME TOO?

TA: no, kk. ii don’t thiink ed want2 half the neighborhood two 2ee hiim like this. ii’ll keep you posted.

CG: OKAY. JUST TAKE CARE OF HIM, SOLLUX.

TA: i alway2 do.

 

\-- taciturnAnchorman[TA] is offline! --

\-- grimAuxilatrix[GA] is offline! --

 

CG: WELL…FUCK!  

AC: ::3< karkat, your ranting sent eridan into labor!  

CG: IT DID NOT!

CG: …DID IT?

CG: FUCK.

AC: :PP< it was a joke. lighten up.

CG: OH MY FUCKING GOD. ITS TOO LATE FOR THIS SHIT.

TG: holy shit its like two in the morning

CG: JUST FUCKING GREAT. I’M GOING TO BED.  

 

Nausea overtakes Jade and she’s not sure if it’s Eridan’s possible labor or her stomach turning from eating popcorn at midnight. While she deals with it, Dave and you go to bed because you’re equally exhausted.

You curl up close to him and there’s a long stretch of silence before Dave asks, “Why’d you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Get everyone together about what was going on.”

“Because things would have taken a turn for the worse if we didn't. When we’re all under pressure, we need to talk and joke about shit because if we don’t, we crack.”

Dave stares out the window, “This isn’t any place to raise a kid. Fuck, this isn't anyplace to raise a _dog_.”

“We made it.” You shut your eyes and put your arm around him, “Our kids’ll be fine.”

“Yeah.” He doesn't sound hopeful but what else can you do? If either of you had the power to leave this city, you would've done it a long time ago.


End file.
